Let Go
by yours.to.hold
Summary: Hinted yes it's sadly not quite established... YamixYuugi . "I don’t know whether I want to hit him and be angry or cry my eyes out. I don’t know how to explain the choices I’ve made. I just don’t know what to say!" Post series


Okay, random idea I've had for a LONG time. It's what happens when all you can find at midnight is a can of mixed fruit and bowl you've had since you were five with a cartoon tiger... Anyways... For the record, I actually love mixed fruit... Off topic, sorry. The idea came from that, my like of Yuugi and playing with his character, and the song Let Go by Red (I believe). The title may not be the best but I couldn't think of anything else. The name Demyx may be recognized from KH2, again, couldn't think of anything, hate naming characters, and he reminds me of Demyx anyways. I actually wrote this months ago and let it sit, then today it poked me until I looked it over, changed a few things, the decided I would never get around to editing it more likely and would like some input. By that I mean, PLEASE GIVE CONSTRUCTIVE CRITISM! I PROMISE NOT TO GET OFFENDED! Finding out what people like and don't like helps me with other things I write and won't post until editing is all that's left.

Let's see... This is slightly yaoi (YamixYuugi), so if that bothers you then... go away I guess... Oh, this takes place after the end of the series. I warn you, it's short.

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When I finally make it back to the house it's late. Almost every bone in my entire body hurts; I may have picked a fight too big for me this time. I used to be small and weak, and though I'm not as weak, I'm still small. Almost any fight I get myself into is too big for me. I know I have no chance of winning, that I'm going to end up the one with the worst injuries; but I start them anyways. Because winning isn't the point. The point of all this isn't to beat some guy into a bloody pulp. To tell the truth, I don't really think there is a point to all this. All I know is that if I'm focused on something else, distracted by some other pain, everything else just fades away. There's no guilt, no pain, no emotion. Not even rage. It's the same for everyone who fights on the streets. For just awhile, nothing matters.

I slowly dragged myself down the steps and to the corner of the basement that's my room, I was dead tired and wanted to sleep. I live in this house with a few other people. I moved out of my grandpa's shop awhile ago. I just couldn't stay there anymore. I feel slightly bad that I haven't been in contact with him at all, or any of my old friends for that matter, for a long time. I've been trying to leave my old life behind but it's harder than I thought it would be. Every duel I watch, every shadow that shifts, hell even Kaiba Corporation just reminds me of him. It's been months since I last looked into a mirror, I think I'm afraid of what I'll see, afraid I'll see him staring back at me. But maybe… I glanced towards my left wall. The dresser there had a large mirror on top which I had immediately covered up by taping papers all over it. Maybe I had no reason to be afraid; maybe I was just being ridiculous. I bit my lip and walked forward, lifting up one of the papers. I shouldn't have done it, I should have known. I was right. Before I even knew I was doing it I had smashed the mirror. Glass was all over the floor and my hand was bleeding, but I didn't care. I just sat down on my floor and cried. The small part of my brain that was still aware of anything at all was glad that no one else seemed to be home at the moment, the rest just didn't really care.

My stomach growling finally forces me to my feet. I have no idea how long I sat there. It must have been at least an hour. I leave all the glass on the floor and just trudge back up the stairs. I have enough sense to wash all the blood off my hand before rummaging through the cupboards for something to eat.

There is seriously no food in this damn house. After looking through every single cupboard, all I can find is this stupid can of mixed fruit. Seriously, who wants to eat a can of mixed food? If I wasn't so hungry I never would. I guess that's what I get for waiting till midnight to get up and eat. Let's see... a bowl. That will make this slightly better, right? At least I can eat it out of a bowl like a dignified person...

Never mind, the only bowl left is one of those ones little kids love; you know the ones with animals on them? Yeah, I look oh so dignified... Ugh. I'm going to have to kill whoever bought these bowls, it was likely a joke. Surely no one expected to get this low on dishes? I poured the stupid fruit into the stupid bowl and went to sit in the green chair by the door. It's the most comfortable of all the mismatched furniture in this stupid place. The furniture in the house was composed of what was cheap. The couch on the other end of the room had a faded floral pattern, the coffee table a light brown while the bookshelf was almost black. This same pattern was throughout the entire house, _nothing_ matched. It was enough to make me wonder sometimes if it was done on purpose of if the buyer of furniture was color blind, maybe they just didn't care.

Footsteps outside brought me out of my furniture wondering, after a moment there was a knock on the door. I sighed and got up, bowl still in hand, to open the damn door. Who in the world thought it was a smart idea to forget their key? No one would usually be up at a time like this to let them in. Though now that I think about it, it sounds rather like something Demyx would do, he never seems to pay much attention to anything and I could imagine him being careless enough to skip out of the house without a key. I pull open the door, ready to make some comment on the key, or rather lack thereof, and immediately drop my bowl in surprise. As soon as I had control of my hands again I slammed the door shut, only to find that stupid animal bowl with the stupid fruit in the way.

Luckily the person on the other side was just as surprised as me and I was able to kick the bowl out of the way. It could only be a good thing that it ended up outside. Good riddance! I am still hungry though. The person on the other side must have gotten over their shock because the knocking resumed. I ignored it and went back downstairs to my room. A nap would be nice... even if I was going to starve to death. Sadly I met someone on the stairs. Apparently I wasn't the only one here like I originally thought… I hope he didn't hear me crying… that would be slightly embarrassing. Though, this is Demyx we're talking about. He's slightly messed in the head if you ask me. Demyx didn't look all that happy with the commotion at the door. "Don't open it!" It came out as a desperate squeak.

"Why?"

"Just don't." I had a feeling he wasn't going to listen and quickened my pace, stepping past him down the stairs and across the cold tiles to my room. I immediately burrowed under my blankets, fully preparing to be 'sleeping' when I was called for. I had a feeling this wasn't going to be something I wanted to be awake for. This would not be a fun conversation. It's funny how your perspective can do a 180 somewhere along the 'wishing this would happen' and the 'holy fuck how is it possibly happening' stages. If you'd asked me ten minute ago I would have given anything for this exact thing to be happening –only the whole running away and hiding under my covers would never have happened-; but now I just wanted it all to go away. I'm way too tired to be all brave and reckless; it's painfully clear how much this conversation could change in my life.

Footsteps on the stairs, only one pair, which could mean a few things, the ones I'm rooting for definitely not the most likely. Okay, this is it. You. Are. Sleeping. That's it, slow down your breathing. At all costs do _not_ hyperventilate.

Shit. It's not working! "Yuugi?" I'm able to relax slightly when the voice I hear belongs to Demyx. "There's a really pissed Egyptian guy waiting for you upstairs…" I can hear him right outside my room.

"I'm sleeping." I mumble, trying as hard as I can to sound as tired as I felt just a few moments ago before the anxiety gave me a rude awakening.

It didn't work. I could practically hear the eye roll in his voice. "No you're not. Now would you please go upstairs, he looks ready to break something."

"Which is exactly why I want you to go upstairs and tell him I'm sleeping. He's really scary when he's angry; and he's angry with _me_ so that's even worse. Just tell I'll be really pissed in the morning if I wake up to find any of the furniture in the shadow realm."

"Shadow realm?"

I ignored the question. "Actually you'd better change furniture to anything. Last time Kaiba got him really pissed and I told him not to send any furniture to the shadow realm, we ended up minus quite a few possessions and a neighbor." It all came out in a rush as I freaked out.

"Umm… Yuugi? Are you feeling okay?"

"No." A new idea was forming. "I'm sick. Very sick. So sick that I need to stay in bed and can't talk to him till tomorrow. Or ever. Wait, even better; I'm dead, okay? You came to get me and I was just flopped over dead."

He walked into my room to stand over my bed and stare at me funny. "You want me to tell him that you just dropped dead?"

"Yes."

"And you expect him to believe that."

"Not really." A pause. "No."

"So you want me to tell him that why?"

"Because I really don't know what to say to him right now. I don't know how to tell him that not everything is the same as it used to be. I don't know whether I want to hit him and be angry or cry my eyes out. I don't know how to explain the choices I've made. I just don't know what to say!" I was half shouting at the end of my ramble.

"Well…" He glanced at me as if scared I was going to start ranting again. "You could always start with hello?"

"Oh gee thanks. You're a real help."

"Good that's what I was aiming for." As always it was impossible to tell if he noticed my sarcasm or not. He waited in the room until I got out of bed and then followed me upstairs. He probably thought it would be an amusing show to watch. To be fair, it _was_ pretty amusing when Atemu was angry; unless he was angry at you of course. I stopped at the top of the stairs and sent one last pleading look at Demyx before walking through the kitchen and into the living room. And there he was. He was almost exactly how I remembered him, even down to the leather that implied he'd stopped at the game shop to get clothes. Then again, how else could he have found me? Now that I think about it I bet Kaiba helped, the bastard.

He looked up at the sound of my footsteps and his anger immediately disappeared. The look on his face definitely didn't suite him. He looked uncertain, and edgy, but worst of all, almost… sad. He gave me a small smile, obviously forced. "Yuugi." I couldn't find my voice, so I just nodded. He bit his lip, his façade slipping even more as he began to fidget. "Umm…" It looked like he was trying to find something to say. He shifted his weight to the other foot. I don't think I've ever seen him this uneasy. "Sorry I sent your bowl to the shadow realm…" Smart; start with the easier topics till we both calm down. He always was a brilliant strategist.

I attempted a small smile but I'm pretty sure it turned out closer to a pained grimace. "That's okay. I never really liked that bowl anyways. I'm pretty sure someone bought it as a joke."

He nodded. Neither of us really had anything to say after that and the room fell into an awkward silence. Demyx broke it once, mumbling something about how it was his 'lucky' bowl, it didn't make the situation any better. After a few minutes of silence I realized that Atemu wouldn't be the one to talk first. After taking several deep breaths to prepare myself it was still another couple moments before I was able to break the silence. "Look… Atemu." The name sounded weird in my mouth just like it always did in my thoughts, I saw him flinch slightly. "I know why you're here, and just, don't… Alright? I got over it ages ago and I'm not in any way mad at you, okay?" Got over it ages ago, oh that's a good one. Let's just ignore the fact that just hours ago I was crying my eyes out shall we? "You did what you had to and I guess…if anything, I should say thank you. If you had never left, nothing would have changed. I'd still be the pathetic idiot who you had to constantly save all the time. I've grown up, I've learned." I had to look away, seeing him staring at me was not helping my nerves any right now. For one, he had this creepy way of seeming to look into your soul when he looked into your eyes. For two, well… did I mention that he was still the same? And of course, being the idiot I am, my feelings towards him seem to still be the same also. Damn it all. Yeah, I admit it; I am totally in love with him. Sucks to be me. "Being a 'Hikari' isn't all that great. It gets you nowhere in the real world. At some point you have to get over it and grow up. So I'm fine, alright? You can go wherever you want and stop worrying about me, okay? I'm fine."

There was a moment of silence before he answered. By the end of it I was almost ready to make a break for the back door. The only problems being that one, Atemu is faster than me and could likely catch me, two, Demyx is still standing in the doorway and blocking the way out. It wouldn't really be even worth it to try. "Well what if… I'm not?"

Okay, that definitely sounded sad; there is no way I can look at him now. I was going to say 'that's your problem'. I swear I was, but when I opened my mouth it came out as, "What's wrong?"

I could hear a sound like he was kicking the floor slightly. "Well… this person I care about doesn't seem to care that I'm back."

There is no way I can answer that without sounding sappy, or making him feel bad. Dammit, time to play dumb. "Anzu? I'm sure she's just surprised. Don't worry about it; everybody knows she has a crush on you."

"I'm not talking about Anzu. Besides, she's quite happy with Shizuka." Oh. Well… that's good to hear. I'm glad that she's happy. Still, am I the only one who hasn't gotten over him yet? That's kind of sad… and so like me. Can you say 'shit shit damn fuck'? "Yuugi, can't we even… be friends anymore?"

I frowned and turned to face him. "You mean you're not here so I can forgive you and you can run off and live guilt free life… err… death?"

"No."

"Oh." Damn. And here I'd made that whole long speech and everything. Now what was I supposed to do?

"Come back to the game shop with me."

"What?" I glanced up in shock at Atemu.

He just shrugged. "Come back home, to the game shop. Grandpa would be more than happy to see you again."

I hesitated. "I… don't know… I mean, what if I can't be the same person I used to be? Then I'd feel like I was letting you down and such; but if I did change back, would that be any better? Would it be worse? I don't want to be afraid anymore! I don't want to keep running away and letting you deal with everything! I'm sick of it! I don't want to be weak anymore, to go back to the way I was, but I do at the same time! I don't think I could take it!"

He looked at me for a second. "I don't think you have to worry about that."

"What?"

"You're doing it right now. You're standing up for yourself. You're making a decision based on what _you _want, not what would make other people happy. And you don't have to worry about what I think. I've always loved you because you're you, and I don't think that's about to change." He gave me a small smile. "So what do you say?"

I looked down at the floor again to try and hide the smile lifting the corners of my mouth involuntarily. "I don't know."

"If you show me your room I'll help you pack."

My smile became a grin and I looked back up at him accusingly. "Damn. There really is no fooling you is there?"

"Nope. Now, lead the way."

I rolled my eyes but grabbed his hand and dragged him to the stairs. "Anzu would be proud you know?" He frowned in confusion so I went on. "Your speech, it was very sappy."

He glared but the pout on his face kind of ruined the effect. "And yours wasn't?"

"Touché."

We stepped into my room and I grabbed the bag that I'd brought all my stuff in. I was still amazed that I hadn't lost it yet. As fast as I could I started to shove everything into it. When I looked up Atemu was staring at the broken mirror. I shifted from foot to foot uncomfortably. "Mirrors and I… don't get along real well…" He stayed silent and I went back to packing. I thought the conversation was over so I was confused when Atemu spoke.

"I broke Mana's." He must have seen my confused look because he clarified. "Her mirror. She was really mad about it too, wouldn't talk to me for a whole ten minutes."

I smiled slightly again. "I guess that's another thing we have in common then…"

"A mutual dislike of mirrors?" I glanced over to find Demyx standing just inside my room. Or maybe it was outside; it was kind of hard to tell. "Do you think they're like… alive or something? 'Cause Yuugi taped paper on his so he wouldn't have to look at it and then he cried when he smashed and kept mutter for something to 'come back'." He glanced apologetically at me. "I would have come to help you only I was scared you'd lost it and didn't really have a death wish." A death wish? Last I checked I'm not really that scary…

"No." It was Atemu. "Yeah, I cried, but that had nothing to do with thinking the mirror was actually alive." He said it so casually I couldn't help but stare at him in shock, not only had he cried, he'd _admitted_ to crying, to a complete stranger. That was weird. "I cried for what I'd lost. What I had left behind." He glanced at me before quickly looking away. "Something I never want to lose again."

The room fell into a slightly awkward –though not nearly as bad as before- silence while I finished packing. After debating for a moment I took one of the glass shards and stuck in my bag before zipping it closed. Catching Atemu's questioning look I shrugged. "It's no longer a reminder of what's been lost, but what's been found."

His only response was a warm smile that practically melted me into a puddle. I no longer felt the need to hit myself for how terribly cliché that was. It could have been worse anyways, I could have spouted off how I felt like he was the only one I would ever really love and such. Now _that_ would have been humiliating. And who knows, maybe, someday, I'll tell him just that. And maybe, if I'm incredibly lucky, he'll feel the same.

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[A/N] There. I did warn it was short, right? Anyways, please review and give constructive critism I can use to improve. Really, you people are my only hope, no one else will give it to me.


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